It is well observed that most doctors refuse to say the word pain. Well, I have wonderful proof of this now. I went in yesterday, Wednesday the 16Th, to get an ingrown toenail removed. I was informed when I was getting my toe anesthetized that I would feel a prick and a bit of a burning sensation. That was partially truthful. I felt a small prick of the needle, and a little bit of discomfort when needle was moved around. All of the sudden, there was an incredibly painful...pain in my toe. I gasped and nearly died. Then, it receded, and I got another shot which had a similar pain. For the value of others, I felt that I should rate certain phrases and their respective pain level.
1. You will feel a prick: This is a low level pain. You may feel a needle the size of a medieval javelin pierce your skin. You hear this all the time when you have vacinations and anesthesia.
2. You may feel a buzzing: Two words: Severe Irritation. You will eventually feel the need to rip your skin off your body.
3. You will feel a bit of pressure: Prepare for death. The pain will be absolutely excruciating. If you aren't restrained, bolt for the nearest window. If you can't, well, suicide may be a decent option.

Cell Phone Fever

Taking a look back in history, we scoff at the primitive man's attempts to label a disease. I mean, names like, Cholera, Dysentery, and Cabin Fever are just silly. It's like they were begging us to mock them. Well the mocking stops today!!! Today is the day, when I, a highly qualified professional, diagnose the first cases of Cell Phone Fever.
This disorder is highly debilitating in nature. Early symptoms are a general dependence on one's cell phone. Instances when an individual feels uncomfortable without their phone are a good hint of the disease. Intermediate symptoms may include, but are not limited to: The swelling of fingers from prolonged texting, and whatever else the surgeon general wants to add. I would have to say, that guy has the easiest job, all he has to do is say " This product contains such and such, which is known in the state of California to cause such and such." Final symptoms may include: Crossing of the eyes, thumbs the size of a beaver's tail, withdrawal from society, inability to speak or write in an intelligible manner, and enormous cell phone bills, which ultimately result in death.
In light of these horrific symptoms, it is easy for some to say, " OMG i'll nevr use my cell phn again." I would have to say that it's about time. The recommended treatment is to burn, destroy, or throw your phone away, and never look at one again. This is the only method that has shown a 100% recovery rate. For the rest of you, you probably say to your self, " Isn't that a bit extreme? What's this guy raving about? This is America, there'll be an easier way eventually." Well, I don't have time to waste on bad attitudes. I've gt stff 2 do. Brb.